I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
