her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
