I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
