I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
