So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dicks are not precious.
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