I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
