i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
