Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
