she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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