She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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