The maid of honor just puked.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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