I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
