the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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