this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
