I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
