shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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