Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
