you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
