very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize