We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
