Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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