he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
