I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
