ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize