I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize