the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
