Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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