is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
