Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
