I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
