I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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