Will you blow on my dice?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
