Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
