Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
