Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
