Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
