i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
