Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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