pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
