Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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