It's Friday. Sex?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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