when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
