Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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