I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
