Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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