well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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