to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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