I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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