I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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