I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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