wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
