just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
