So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
