I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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