I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
