How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
