Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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