I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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