At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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