i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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