so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
