Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
