His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
